Its been 12 days since my surgery

I am ridiculously tired, all the time. Everything takes so much energy. I spend most of the day sitting. I am incredibly bored out of my mind. And it’s hard to find things to do.

Watching television, talking to people, and reading for extended periods (more than 20minutes) is incredibly taxing. A lot of noise and visuals really exhausts my eyes and ears. I often need to get out and close my eyes for a minute to collect myself. My friends, before my surgery, got me a coloring book as a small kind of joke in a care package they made for me. It’s actually quite calming to color. I feel stupid writing this. Buts its quiet, I get to use my hands, and it doesn’t mentally exhaust me at all. It’s really nice actually.  

What isn’t nice is my moods. I yelled at my mother today after she told me we should write a thank you note to the neurosurgeon. Why? I have no idea. I also cried while watching a tree today. Why? Again, I don’t know. My mood swings between extreme depression, anger, and lovey doveyness are borderline psychotic.

It’s weird that these emotional side-effects, expected from the steroids, are only hitting me now. I am almost done tapering off of them actually. I started off taking 8 x 2mg tablets a day of dexamethasone. After 5 days that was cut in half. Then after 3 half again. Now, I am currently only taking two a day.  But only now do I notice the stereotypical mood swings that you hear about on the news when a body builder up and kills someone randomly.  

There is also a giant energy serge whenever I take the pill. I feel like walking around the hole house and get a little anxious. This makes sleeping tough. I take ambian and its gets me a couple hours at least. But I wake up periodically over the night. After I take the Ambian, my whole body heats up.  It’s a really intense rush of sleep and then I am out

Drugs side effect update:  I still have the rash on my chest but it doesn’t seem to be getting worse or better. I have mood swings. Very fatigued. I have some sort of bacterial infection in my mouth called thatch. (I scrape my mouth clean with a metal spoon and warm water. Brush, floss and use antiseptic (with alcohol) mouth wash three times a day. Its keeps it at bay, I think. The regiment definitely makes my mouth more comfortable.) My heart is tired. Its feels sore. My knees, my hips and my calves are really sore. Rubbing them and light walks help.

Function update: I still feel like there is something pressing my head. Its hard to move my neck. I get these shocking sensation along the excision. My head feels like it weighs nine hundred pounds. Lots of lights and sound are very exhausting. Hearing is not full on my left. My left eye is lazy.  Every hour or so I I get a dizzy spell. Sometimes, if I lay too long the room starts to spin. No more double vision. 

Pain is actually none. I am taking only half a hydrocodone pill (which is only about 5mg vicodin and 160mg of acetomainphen) a day and I feel no pain. I might try none tomorrow. The pain is not the problem. The dizziness and pressure are.   

I have to consciously work to try and be aware of my emotions and my behavior. The people I am lashing out at are the ones who have been patiently have a helping me through this hard experience. They stay with my boring butt, feed me, help me. And I am yelling at them.

I will be writing a thank you note.