A small lapse in recovery.

Today was the first day since the surgery that I started to feel like myself. My drugs were finally being tapered down. I am about to take to less dexamethasone. The doctor prescribed me ambien to help me sleep. And it appeared to work. And the sleep really was the best medicine I could imagine. I don’t really need much pain reliever support anymore. I can pee like abnormal person. And yes, I am tired, but I can talk and function pretty normally.

I took a shower. Put normal people clothes on. A bra. It was great. Even did Christmas shopping among the crazy other Americans today.

Everything was great ‘til this afternoon. I noticed that things were a bit out of place. Weird things had been moved around the house. I was particularly tired despite thinking I had finally gotten my rest. And nothing was where I had left it the night before.

Needless to say, I don’t think I was actually sleeping last night.

Regardless, I still felt ok and sat on the floor of my living discussing, with my mom, the events of the upcoming holiday. My cousin wants to have this shotgun wedding (quick but with all the trimmings and elaborate expense) with this guy no one knows and we were trying to figure out gifts that would be appropriate and comfortable in the rather weird situation. She wants to get married so fast and soon that she is having her wedding engagement party (which she will be having two of) next week. A mere two weeks after my major surgery that was planned 5 months ago. She planned the dinner two weeks ago—the week before my surgery. Because… she loves me? And it’s obvious that my illness affected my only cousin’s life. …

She is selfish. I really try to like her. I am gonna work towards ignoring now.

Anyway, while sitting on the floor, I think I fainted. All of a sudden things stopped making sense and it felt like a shade over my life. Words got really jumbled and confusing and my head started spinning violently. I had never experienced anything like this yet.  I remember repeating over and over again out loud that something was happening. After a failed attempt to get a hold of my neurosurgeon, my mom’s friend Melissa, my mom, and my fiancé all rushed me to the emergency room who upon hearing my past medical history took me in pretty immediately. We did not take an ambulance upon my request. Which might have been stupid? But I wanted to tell myself that I probably just fainted instead of have a stroke. And ambulance would have made this game of make believe quite difficult.

I was panicking quite severely when I got to the emergency room. I was scared out of my mind. I know the risks for stroke and while they are supposed to be a lot better right now they are still there. And I am thinking about them. There was extensive blood vessel innervations and excision during my brain surgery. My tumor had several major blood pathways running through it. It was the trickiest part of my surgery. So, my fear is warranted. It’s actually why I am taking the steroids, to help prevent the stroke.

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Everything about my life has to do with this steroid. As a practicing student pharmacist let me give its break down:

Dexamethasone (generic name)

Pharmacololgical Catagory	Purpose of drug category (what it says the drug actually does)	How it helps me?
Anti-Infammatory Agent Antiemetic Corticosteroid, Systemic	Reduce inflammation from immune response Anti nauseas and vomiting. Helps with vertigo Reduces inflammation, vertigo, and  swelling	Reduces brain pressure. Decreases vertigo. Helps me eat and keep things down. Lets me feel, pretty much, like I didn’t have brain surgery.

There are a lot of side effects and things that act up with these steroids. And the side effects, such as adrenal suppression (decreasing the amount to mineral corticoids in our body. Its why my skin is so thin and I bruise so easily all of a sudden), immunosupression (its easier to get sick), Stomach ulcers, fluid retention, heart problems, eye disease, osteoporosis, kidney disease, seizures, thyroid disease, and diabetes. YUCK. But I have to take it to prevent the stroke. So, I take it.

On top of all the side effects (which my above list is only a sampling of, there are a bunch of stuff in the environment that you have to avoid. You should not take anything with Bile acid in it. You cannot take any antifungal or antidiabetic agents. You should not take antacids. You should not take conivaptan, cyclosporine, Fluconazole, Fosaprepiatent, Geftinib, NSAID (like Ibuprofen or aspirin or naproxin ~~also known as Tylenol, advil or alleve over the counter.) Vaccines, trastyzumaub, warfarin and much much more. You should not take anything with this pretty much.

They all cause the side effects to be more severe and prominent.

bruise on my write. Just from it being held lightly.

My rash on my chest

So, I guess I should be lucky that I finally get to taper down my dose tomorrow. And hope for the best. Right now, my symptoms are lack of sleep, a rash on my upper chest and some sort of bacterial infection in my mouth that no amount of mouth watching or brushing can remove. I also bruise very easily.

So, back to the emergency room. They brought me in and made sure I was stable. ECG, blood work, CT of the head etc. I waited 3 or four hours for an ok from the neurosurgeon and radiologist. They didn’t think I had a stroke. And at this moment snap shop at time they said I was good to go. During the whole visit my vertigo was unreal and unimaginable. Everything was in constant movement. It was miserable.

On a side note, while I was waiting in the emergency room with my paper gown, blankets, and ever omniscient sense of doom, my aunt and cousin had came to the hospital and promptly left. After my mother didn’t swoon and thank them for coming to see me, my cousin felt she had been scorned. Apparently it had displeased my cousin that she was not even been acknowledged by my mother immediately while her daughter who had just gotten brain surgery was being examined in the emergency room for stroke. It displeased her so greatly that she made my aunt leave with her. My aunt would even try and call my mother, who was still in the emergency room at the time, to tell her what she thought she had done wrong. My mom did not speak to anyone in the emergency room by the way (good or bad); she was petrified.

I guess it is possible for people to truly be incapable of seeing anything past them. This situation is so bizarre, it feels like there is no way it could be true. But it happened. And I am embarrassed for her.

Regardless to say. I am proud and o so happy to reports. I AM OK! The doctors don’t know what happened. But the hypothesis is that I may have pushed myself too much. They told me to take it easy. I think I did not sleep last night on the ambien and that when the over exertion took place. I think all of the stuff out of place from last night was from me. I am taking it really easy today to try and prevent a repeat. And my fiancé will be sleeping besides my bed in case. It could also be that the vertigo is getting worse, too.

Here is hoping to a better today.