One month ago I had brain surgery

It’s been one month, dun duh dunnnnn, since my surgery and I am beginning to feel “normal;” a fatigued wobbly new version of myself.

My scar at one month

 Often during my slow granny inspired walks, I will randomly start moving sideways, usually bumping/catching myself on a wall. Luckily, I am never going fast enough to cause any damage.  When I am still, I will suddenly feel like I am in a boat on incredibly choppy water. My body will think its violently moving up and down while my eyes look forward and know that I am perfectly still. Vertigo is quite a trip and still novel for me. If I wait too long, though, to do the vertigo exercises my stomach starts to churn (never enough to make me puke, though).

Exercise for vertigo that I found:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo-xeZtDFws&feature=related. In the video, she says to do it ten times which is impossible for me. I just do it once or twice and it works most of the time. Also, I hold the positions a good couple minutes instead of five seconds (I just can’t move that quickly without getting dizzy again).

While my chest appears to be healing, my rash is spreading to my shoulders and neck.  As it migrates upwards the bumps appear to start looking more like pimples. Which is weird because my skin is incredibly dry. I have told my nurse and PA about the rash and they don’t seem concerned but still referred me to a dermatologist. I have looked up all of the drugs I am taking and have taken and it looks like the rash is a side effect from the dexamethasone.  

rash on my sholder

All of the physical manifestation, aside from my head and some swelling on my right rib, appear to be from the steroid. I know post surgical stupid me thought pain medication was causing my nightmares and discomfort (maybe because I knew I could stop taking them and needed the sense of empowerment) but Micromedex, a drug database, indicates dexamethasone as the culprit. Dexamethasone is used to treat cerebral edema or the collection of excess liquid in your brain. This collection of liquid is due to your neurosurgeon busting through your blood brain barrier. You take the steroid to decrease this liquid pressure keeping you alive and making you a lot more comfortable.

The dermatologist told me my current rash is steroid acne. I was told me to keep it clean and dry and to put nothing on it and wait. Waiting is what everyone keeps telling me to do. My head hurts, “well that’s normal, it will go away with time.” I am incredible fatigued, ”well you just had major surgery, that will go away with time.” I am growing a tale and believe I can fly “ ok, well with time that should clear up.”

Despite slight discomfort, I feel incredibly lucky. An overly eager resident in dire need of sharpening her patient interaction skills told my mother and I that my tumor was wrapped tightly around some important blood vessels.

“It was such a complex surgery, we are so glad you didn’t have a stroke,” she seemed to exclaim over and over again.

I am glad, too. Thank you for scarring me. But I can’t be too angry. I didn’t have that stroke. And all those side-effects that I had to sign off on before the surgery did not happen. My surgery was a complete success. I am so lucky.

I had a large brain tumor. The neurosurgeon thinks he got all of it out despite spreading to the brain stem. It was benign. And all my side effects are supposed to go away with time. I am lucky.